Control

Control. I’ve always had control since, well, forever in some way shape or form I’ve had at least a fragment of control. At least until recently or so I thought. I always thought somehow I could get myself to point A or do something simply because I set my mind to get it done. How powerless I truly am. 

I make many plans, yet I’m learning how completely incapable I am to bring them to completion. Maybe I want to control my situations because many things before my sixth birthday were so painfully wrong and led to disaster that I could’ve prevented if I’d acted differently. At least that’s what I think. It’s like I know it all worked out for good, but as a protective measure to protect myself from further pain, I try to take control. 

Well, two weeks ago, I lost it. Literally gone. I celebrated my birthday and the next day I went from being a driver with a two and a half year clean record to a person without a license to drive, not because I forgot to renew my license, simply because well long story short the DMV has a lot of unique situation type rules.

“It’s not fair! Every other eighteen-year-old can walk into the DMV having never driven a day in their lives, pass a test and walk out with a license. Why do I have to have a permit for a week and take and pass this test for the third time?” My heart about burst at the injustice. As my face reddened with shame I walked out the door with my permit, no more control than a twelve year old in the passenger seat when their parents are running late in dropping them off for school. 

“Why do I have to be the oddball? The once in ten years situation?” It didn’t feel right or just, it still doesn’t, but God always knows what he’s doing. It wasn’t until I had absolutely no control that I could see how much God cares for me and will do anything to make it work out. Entitled? Oh for sure! I felt entitled all right, but now I realize. I’m suffering an inconvenience for sure, but it’s seven days. 

Imagine living your life never owning a car because you could never afford it. How could one live their life when they have no control over it. So many people live in life threatening situations in which they have no control. Women and children lose husbands and fathers on the battlefield without a final kiss or caress. Farmers lose their crops in one wildfire or tornado, no warning, no way out, complete loss of crop and control. 

I’m no expert, but I’m beginning to grasp that it won’t always be in my control, but often that’s the best situation because I’m more likely to mess it up. It won’t always make sense, but somehow, God is working it together for good. When we live letting go of control on our end is when we live free to see God work miracles that we’d never seen before since we assured him we could do it in our own strength. 

Control. Sometimes, we need to let it go. It’s not easy, it’s just simple. Once you do, buckle up, because you’re gonna see God work in ways you never imagined.

Proverbs 19:21 (ESV)

Many are the plans in the mind of a man,  but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

John 15:5 (ESV)

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

Proverbs 14:12 (ESV)

There is a way that seems right to a man,  but its end is the way to death.

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